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OBITUARY
Common Sense died 24/7/365 in Canada
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr.
Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will
be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to
come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life
isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults,
not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well
intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a
six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr.
Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live, as the churches became
businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that
a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was
awarded a multimillion dollar settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death
by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason. Two stepbrothers My Rights and Ima
Whiner survive him. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he
was gone. If you still remember him, tell others about this obituary; if
not, join the majority and do nothing. |
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BILL GATES BOOK ON
WITCHCRAFT
1. The book would be called Witches Windowcraft.
2. Iconology was be a major chapter.
3. A revised edition would be released approximately every 2
years without which your magic would no longer work.
4. Your broom would crash at least once a week.
5. Cauldrons would be called recycle bins.
6. The book of shadows would be called the grey folder of magic.
7. A free high speed connection spell would come with every
book.
8. Every now and then, at random, your circle would collapse and
you would have to perform the reboot ritual to get it working.
9. If you used the more powerful Magic XP rituals, the above
would happen to all circles within a 5 mile radius and if you're
using the even more advanced Rituals Vista, you'll be given a
notice that all circles are in imminent crash mode and allow or
disallow choices will be given.
10. Once a month, you would have to reinstall your spells into
your folder of magic because while you can see them but the
system tells you they aren't there.
11. You would have to use a start ritual to exit your circle.
(And cake and wine would only be available after a sign from the
Goddess saying it was safe to do so.) |
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A Few Witticisms
Best thing about pagans? - They
worship the ground you walk on! -
God, Please save me from your followers! -
Get a taste for religion - lick a witch. -
I have the body of a God! His name is Buddha -
If ignorance really is bliss, then why are so many people unhappy?
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If a witch practices on the beach, is she a
sandwitch? - What do you
say to an angry witch?.....ribbit. -
What is pagan, flies around and produces honey? - The Blessed Bee!
- What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub? - A
self cleaning coven! -
You know your neighbour may be a witch when, spur of the moment, you pop
over to chat and the coffee is in her hand and she asks you...one lump
or two? |
